I usually don't play blue

I usually don't play blue, but that last post occurred to me earlier this morning, and I thought it was funny and would elaborate on it -- even at the expense of my blushing New England sense of sexual propriety.

You may know it as the Constitutional Convention....

CENSORED

Cardinal Douthat Visits the Kriegsmarine

KIEL, GERMANY (BBC) - Today Cardinal Ross Douthat, archbishop of American Catholic converts who have enjoyed nude swimming sessions with William F. Buckley, found much to praise in "the New Germany", and especially the spirited gymnastic performances put on by the Kriegsmarine's Youth League, which he described as "an achingly beautiful example of the athletic possibility of taut young bodies, freed from the tyranny of liberal democratic decadence."

Cardinal Douthat, who once proudly wrote of his refusal to engage in sexual congress with a "chunkier version of Reese Witherspoon", said that America's aberrant and sexually misguided youth could learn a great deal from their German counterparts.

"In Germany, I have not seen a single instance of same-sex kissing, or any sort of popular approbation of lesbianism," said Douthat during a tour of a homosexual reeducation camp. "The same cannot be said of the United States."

The Cardinal's tour, in addition to visiting some of the controversial "reeducation centers" for gay youth, took in a number of North German hotspots, from Hamburg's Red Light District (the Cardinal disapproved, though not so much as to cancel his visit), to Peenemunde, where he praised the "throbbing virility" of the rocket program, to Kiel, where, after saying Mass and consuming a carafe of Communion wine, he fraternized with the brawny young sailors of the Kriegsmarine, dancing to the strains of "Ich Hatt Einen Kameraden" until the early hours of the morning.

His visit was very popular with the sailors. One, who would give his name only as Klaus, expressed surprise at the Cardinal's dance moves, and his physical affection.

"I am a Protestant, so I thought that Catholics were the worst. But not Cardinal Douthat! He kept refilling my rum glass, and said over and over again how my thighs seemed to ripple -- he kept using that word, 'ripple' -- through my dress whites."

Though Douthat's tour has been criticized by some, others, such as businessman Joseph P. Kennedy, aviator Charles Lindbergh, and famed 'radio priest' Fr. Charles Coughlin, have expressed support for the Cardinal's German trip.

"We consider Douthat one of our own, and if we can't be trusted, who can?" asked Kennedy, by telephone. He excused himself to go down the hall and see if any of his sons' girlfriends were awake.

Douthat, who was born Rieko Kamurov, writes a column for the New York Times, and is widely known in that city as a roaring asshole.

He could not be reached for comment at press time.

A.D. 380

    It's the end of the Empire -- that much is for sure.

    Everyday, we hear news of the reality that is all around us -- of Nor'easters in June, or floods in Prague, or tornadoes so wide in Oklahoma that twenty football fields would not begin to comprehend them -- and everyday, our corrupt, insane, and criminal ruling class, a ruling class that includes oh so many of you bien pensants and academics, and pretty much all of the 'center-left' and 'liberal' opinion journalists (I'm looking at you, Josh Marshall), and others who ought to know better -- everyday, this class does its studied best -- and boy, has it studied! -- to ignore the crisis that is in front of our face, a climate hitherto unknown to human civilization.

    But, of course, there are all the inside ball stories to write, about dysfunctional legislatures; and all the new fancy meals of fancy meats to be photographed, and the cocktails and Facebook bragging and all the nothingness of the digital No-Place to be attended, to be cradled and held as we used to babies and kitties, and today, these little bloody "phones"..... For why acknowledge the ghastly Truth that sits, corpse-like, in the parlour for a space of days, its waxy presence spooking the young children, until at last we usher it out with yesterday's faded corsages? Why acknowledge what is horrible?

    And so, we will not acknowledge It, but It will acknowledge us. And all I can say to you, you den of worthless Idolaters, who would rather pad a resume than sniff all the pines, is -- Woe to Nineveh!